Well where do I begin?. It all started with a little longing, a need for something different..... a mini you say?? I have always been into cars from a young age, seeing the old man up to his elbows in 15/40 and car parts strewn among the four corners of the garage, all good fun at the time but that was umpteen years ago, when cars were bought and sold for the shrapnel in your pocket, where every repair no matter how major could be completed in the 48 hours of the weekend, with friends a plenty ready to lend a hand. That was then and this is now, those days have gone, and if you haven't got a masters in IT your car is fit for the knackers yard, a disposable society we have become. That's what makes the Mini so appealing.

After a few years of quite boring and uninteresting motoring, I felt a change was in order. With a couple of years of Mini and Mini World magazine's stacked under my bed, the dog-eared pages were once again turned in eager anticipation of what could be...... A trip to Lincoln Mini Centre was in order.

Now, at the time I didn't fancy a Cooper, maybe as every one, whether their into mini's or not, knows a Cooper. I wanted something to put my own add my own signature to, I think. They had a British Open Classic a bit bruised around edges but nothing that would cause a major fuss. So a week later money exchanged hands and J936 was sat on the driveway.

Well, a few trouble free months of motoring passed, and being little financially parched after the initial expenditure, not much happened. It wasn't until Mini in The Park 2001, when things started to get interesting. A set of tyres, a bit of bright work, hmm...... I feel a project was on the cards! !

Upon joining the Mini club I started attending more events, picking up things here and there. At this time, after serving it's duty through the winter 2001/2002, the old girl was started to look a little worst for wear, So I decided to invest a bit of recharged funds and get it looking shipshape again. Touting around a few of the garages listed in the back pages of the magazines, things were looking a little bleak, quotes varied between £700 to £1800, ouch!!! However, undeterred I visited a local garage, who had done servicing and repairs to our cars over the years, describing the list of items I wanted undertaking, "800 quid" was the response. After a bit of bartering the car was booked in for it's 3 week face-lift.

Well, a week into the rebuild it was found that the inner sills needed some work doing to pass it through an MOT, naturally, this was done, at extra cost. At this point, with the car laying bare for all to laugh at him, I decided to spend a little more than was budgeted for,..... well a lot more!

In total, the bill of £1800 included for inner and outer sills, door skins, A panels, front panel & valance, refinished alloys, uprated dampers, new seals throughout and a respray, 7 coats of paint, 4 coats of lacquer - a pain in the proverbial! ! ! Plus new bright-work, halogen lights, you know the tune......

On collection of the car, it looked as new, very impressed ! The first club outing was the Midsummer Madness 2002, as I didn't get it back until after Hunters Hall, yes, I was the one in the red metro, banished out to a isolated field with all the other commoners. Well after the run round the countryside, we return for some well-deserved sustenance and a general chitchat.

Being a bit of a newby to the club scene, mini that is, I was completely dumbstruck to be awarded best mini at the show, so with that in tow, a benchmark had been set. That's when it went quiet for a bit, the monetary side of proceedings finally caught up, and expenditure ceased once more.

Over the winter months the engine passed 73,000, and the old girl was smoking a touch, slightly more emphasised with the fume debris covering the back of the car in a speckled fashion. So, knowing that the car had been drinking oil as fast as the fuel I'd been putting in it, an engine build loomed. Finding a suitable donor was relatively easy, a low mileage 1275 unit was sourced and broken down into it's relative components. Now at this point the little devil appeared upon my shoulder and whispered "overbore", "skim", "pistons", so with what little money I had it was shipped to Johns aboad, for some fine fettling.

Ok, the spec as it stands at point of writing (July 2003) is, +20 overbore, 12thou skimmed off the block and +20cc Hepalite pistons, giving a displacement of 1360 cubic centimetres. Now with E = MC² and every action having an equal and positive reaction, the method of determining engine displacement can be surmised as follows;

In a standard 1275cc lump, the radius of the Bore is 35.305mm and the stroke is 81.28mm. In my case the bore had a 20thou overbore bringing the radius to 35.405mm, the stroke staying as standard.

As I have 20cc pistons an additional 80cc is added giving a grand total of 1360cc.

Easy huh ? ! ? ! ?

The head has just had a bit of spit 'n' shine, lapping in the valves, new oil seals etc. All ancillaries have been degreased and painted where necessary. Now, it's about at this time I decided to take the gearbox to a specialist for a bit of advice. As I have no idea what I'm looking for (yet) in a gearbox I spoke to Mike Barrett at MBE Race Engines, behind where I currently work, handy isn't it! ! I asked him whether he?d take a look at it for me. That was on the Tuesday, Wednesday morning the gearbox was dropped in the back of the car and take for it's 1o'clock appointment with the Doc. "Hmmm, Arrh, that doesn't look good, oh dear, it's knackered mate!!", was the response. Oh ! was mine. Cap in hand and gearbox in boot, back to work I went, to make some phone calls. Turned out that little "Miss Daisy" who had the car to which my engine was an integral part didn't do very many miles, and couldn't change gear particularly well, bless! The engagement teeth on second gear were nearly none existent, great!!

So a recon box it was, those who new me before Xmas are probably aware that the gearbox attached to my current engine expired a week before I flew out on Holiday, not a major disaster, however I was to use the car to get to the airport, great, that was on the Saturday, I made contact with Dave @ DS Motors on Tattershall bridge and asked him if he could turn a recon box around in double quick time, he duly obliged 120notes exchanged hands and collected on the Wednesday, with a 21/2 tonne engine hoist delivered from work, the task began on the Thursday evening. So with spanner in hand, plaster in pocket and father willing, out came the engine, split, new gaskets, recon box, bolted together and repositioned for Sunday. Now to many folk four days probably seemed like an eternity, however to a novice, who wasn't sure what gaskets he needed, dashing across town to the Rover Dealer I was quiet impressed! ! Thank you very much! Monday was D-Day, needed the car for Tuesday, struck up gave it a run seems fine, down to Heathrow we go.....

Back to the plot, yet again found myself on the phone to Dave @ DS Motors, "one recon box, 3.44FD in silver this time, please", "a week Saturday, jobs a gooden".

That was 9 weeks ago, with funds a lacking again, time for a painting session, bright red block and head, suits you sir! ! ! Think I might borrow, (permanently), my brother chrome rocker cover, excellent!

With all the bits place, other clutch plate to replace, new oil pump etc.. more expense ! ! it sat ready and waiting for assembly, the problem is time ! !

I decided to, as one of my friends has just sat his finals, to drive down and have a night out in pompey, did the usual checks, water, oil, air, fuel tank of fuel and away we go. Alls well on the way down, 4hours not bad for a Saturday afternoon, good night as well, definitely recommended.

It's the returning leg on Sunday when things went a little pear shaped ! ! Portsmouth to M25, no probs, Negotiated M3, M4, M40.........well not quite. Oh dear, no hot air from the heater box, temperature gauge spiralling out of control, steam? Just a bit ! ! !, on with the hazards, water pump shot and bypass hose split, not good! ! Now under the usual circumstances of my job, using pool car, I have breakdown assistance, unfortunately in this instance, some muppet thought he wouldn't need it, saved his money and spent it on his engine build. There are some words which you only use on your own in a enclosed space, I think I used every one of them ! !

Out comes the phone "dial", "home", "ur, I have a little problem"!!

4 o'clock, car breaks down, father and bro, heavily laden with bottles of water and tools arrive at 7. As it is illegal to tow on a motorway, the decision was made to limp the car off to the nearest service station off the motorway, Baldock Services A1 was the target, however 35miles of road stood before us, and an engine that couldn't keep it's fluids down. So off we set, 5miles down the road, pull over, top up, 5miles again, pull over, top up. The amount water passing through the system was now completely clear, approximately 15 litres passed through! ! With 9o'clock approaching we finally arrived at Baldock Services. Upon lifting the bonnet the bypass hose was now completely ruptured!! No more limping "ur, got a tow rope??" 23.20 we rolled in 9hours after I left Pompey, shattered didn?t even come close ! !

Well that was 4 weeks ago now, and everything's seemed to have grinded to a halt on the engine front, but following my sprints up and down Cranwell car park, apologies Matt hope I didn't cause to much bother! ! ! and thanks Mike for the use of the motor, my plans for the engine have gone up a notch, a cam and followers are now on the shopping list prior to putting it all back together. So in the background things are steadily moving at a finance related speed, or so I'm trying.

Great thing are mini's, when kept in good order they can run for miles, everyone of them, except mine! well, and probably Deb's. I spent last weekend checking and altering the valve clearances, roll the car to TDC on 8 and check 1 etc. etc. Put it all back together, new cork gasket, struck up ticking over fine, job accomplished, well for about 10 minutes anyway, clunk! ! ! "tap, tap, tap..." "that doesn,t sound good" "er sound's like a bearing" says the voice over my shoulder.

"PANTS"! ! ! ! ! or words of that effect !

To make matters worst, the new water pump I put on after may last misadventure looks like it's leaking ! ! ! If I had a towel it would have been thrown in by now! ! !

So, to wrap things up for this episode, I have one knackered engine, with water trouble and one currently in bits in the garage, don't you just love um! ! ! the red metro may have to make a come back ! !

See you all at the next meet

James